The whole story

I know it's been QUITE some time since I posted here.  There is so much privacy surrounding the foster care system that I didn't feel I could share enough without sharing too much.  But now, on the other side of things, I can share OUR story.  Our son's story.  Though he will always be who he is and will always know where he came from, his future is entirely changed.  He is our son, but more importantly, he belongs to Christ.
Here he is at just a couple of weeks old.  I photographed him in our family's baptism gown even though we didn't know if he would eventually be a Shipp or not.  But all of my children have worn this gown and I wanted that for him if he was in fact going to be a Shipp.



 
We also got to put him in the baptism gown that belonged to my great grandmother, who was also adopted.  So here he is in his great-great-grandmother's baptism gown.


Here is the story I wrote up to keep for him, along with the continuation I finished up today. Some of this will be recap on the blog, but I wanted to share the whole thing.

We always knew we wanted to adopt.  We always thought that something would just “fall in our lap.” One of my great grandmothers was left in a basket on a doorstep. We didn’t think we would start the process until after our biological kids were much older, but in the summer of 2013 we decided to go in that direction.  We went to our first meeting at Buckner International in October of 2013 and were licensed to do straight adoption through CPS waiting Texas children.  We were licensed to adopt as many as three, which would give us 8 total in our home.  We submitted our homestudy on numerous sibling groups but were never chosen or matched.  

In early November of 2014, a young homeless couple showed up at our church.  That Sunday my husband was teaching Sunday school for the first time.  It was “Orphan Sunday” and he was teaching on the responsibility of Christians to care for orphans.  After Sunday school, this couple came up to us and introduced themselves.  They told us they had two girls in foster care in different homes.  They had heard from someone else at church that we were licensed to adopt, so they told us they thought maybe we could get their girls and adopt them and then in a few years when they “get back on our feet”, they could take the girls back.  We immediately thought that they didn’t know what adoption meant!  They also told us they were expecting.

The next month, my husband took a job working in NM 3 weeks a month and we found out we were expecting.  We decided to put adoption plans on the back burner but to keep our license up so we wouldn’t have to go through all the training classes again.  I also started mentoring the young mother.  Our church helped the couple with housing, a vehicle, jobs, and food.  I drove her to many doctors appointments, food banks, and more.  I developed a good relationship with them, but especially with her.  She was very open with me and we talked often.  I got more and more comfortable and learned much from her.  Her stories exposed me to many things and experiences I never dreamed of.  (These details are in another note.)  Folks from church also helped with a wedding and the couple was married January 3rd, 2014.

Her baby was due in March.  Between November and March, they had lived in 5 different places including living with various friends.  The father had acquired and lost 6 jobs.  I maintained a relationship with them.  Their parental rights had been terminated on their daughter in December.  Mom had another older daughter that was not in CPS custody but was living with family of the father.  She had no contact with them.  On more than one occasion she and I had conversations about her girls and she expressed her desire to get her girls back.  CPS had told her she would not be getting the middle daughter back.  Their parental rights were terminated and case was closed.  She still didn’t seem to get it.  At one point she asked me if I thought she would ever get her back.  As hard as it was, I had to tell her “no.”  We shed tears together.  I hurt for her.  During this conversation she also asked me if I thought CPS would get involved again when this baby was born.  I told her I expected they would.  She asked if I would be there with her at the hospital when he was born and if CPS came if I would be there to help her understand what they told her.  She also asked if CPS decided to remove him, if we would take him.  I told her we would talk and pray about it.  We both cried.

We did talk and pray about it extensively.  I knew that if it came to it, we were their best chance at getting him back.  We could continue to offer support.  The church could help them and encourage them.  They could get and stay clean.  We could surround them with love and prayer.  Despite my husband being gone so much, me being pregnant, and having 5 kids already, we decided that we would say “yes” if the call came.  On one Sunday after telling her we would foster him if needed, she commented to me casually in the lunch line that she liked knowing that if she couldn’t have her son that we would and that we would raise him the right way and love him and discipline him like our own.  I couldn’t imagine saying such a thing.  

After several false alarms, I finally got a call from her telling me her water had broken.  She was in labor and headed to the hospital.  She asked me to meet her there.  On Tuesday, March 17, 2015, a healthy baby boy was born via c-section.  He was 6 lbs 9 oz and 18” long.  He spent his first 8 hours in the nursery.  Mom never asked for him but asked frequently if she could go down and smoke a cigarette. She was in lots of pain from the surgery and asking for pain meds.  But she wanted a cigarette more than her baby.  He was precious and perfect.  He looked like his daddy.  I took pictures.  I was the third person to hold the little tiny bundle and I spent a lot of time holding and snuggling and kissing on him.  I was there all day while my mother-in-law was at home with my kids.

The next morning CPS showed up.  Mom texted me and asked me to come now.  I was already in the parking lot.  I went up and the investigator was there.  I asked mom if she wanted me to come in and she said yes. She was a nervous wreck.  The investigator asked lots of questions and I listened as mom answered and lied about many of them.  Dad wasn’t there and I was afraid he would fly off the handle when he got there.  The investigator asked mom if she had someone, family or friend, that could take him if CPS determined he could not go home with them.  She named me.  I spoke with the investigator outside of the room afterward.  Then my dad, the pastor, showed up coincidentally and spoke with her as well.  Then the dad showed up.  He actually stayed calm and answered the investigators questions.  Both parents thought she was satisfied and that baby boy would be going home with them.

I went home again that night.  My husband and I were prepared for the possibility of bringing another baby home soon.  My dad called and told me his concerns about the potential of having a foster baby, especially this foster baby with all the complications of knowing the birth parents.  He also told me that he knew, as crazy as it all was, that if anyone could handle it, I was it.  We of course prayed more

On Thursday morning I called mom to see if she wanted me back at the hospital.  She said she did so I went.  She had not had the baby in her room all night.  She said she had too much anxiety and needed something for it and needed a cigarette and more pain meds.  The CPS investigator came back with an armed guard to tell them that baby boy would not be going home with them.  After she left the room, I stepped out to give them a moment with each other to process and grieve.  The investigator told me they weren’t sure yet if baby would be going with me.  They had to talk to the family that had his sister first.  I left to go get a bite to eat with a friend.

While I was at lunch, I got the call.  Baby boy was coming to my house within a couple of hours.  I called mom to let her know and I told her that this would immediately change my relationship with her.  I would have to limit contact with her.  He was now my priority.  I would be loving and helping her by loving and caring for her son.  She thanked me.  So did dad.

I went home to get ready and my mother in law ran to the store for diapers.  He was brought to my house shortly after that, we signed all the papers, and we were officially foster parents.  My parents came within the hour with a baby gift.  My dad said to all of us that as long as this baby is with us he would be treated 100% like family.  No matter how long he would be with us he would get all the benefits of being in our family.  My husband hadn’t even met him yet and wouldn’t for two more weeks.  He called my father in law to let him know.  My father in law agreed that we had done exactly what needed to be done.

They came to the first court hearing.  CPS stated that they wanted to go straight to termination based on the previous case and the parents lack of improvement since that short time ago.  The judge denied that request and required CPS to give them a service plan.  At the initial staffing meeting at CPS the parents did not come.  I was present.  The service plan was laid out for the parents to have consistent employment and housing for six months, to stay off drugs and out of jail, to do parenting classes and psychological evaluations.  The primary goal listed was for “non relative adoption” and the concurrent goal was reunification.

Over the next couple of weeks baby boy had weekly visits with his parents at the CPS office and on Sundays at church we would go in the office and have a short visit that I supervised.  It was a bit awkward but they were always friendly.  When he was about 3 weeks old the parents failed their drug tests and visits were suspended by CPS.  They were no longer allowed to have contact with him, even at church. They continued to come on and off but couldn’t hold him.  On Mother’s Day they showed up again and informed us that their daughter had been adopted.  Then they disappeared.  

I enjoyed all the new baby snuggles and baby boy slept constantly.  He never cried.  Our baby girl was born on June 7th.  She was baptized on Father’s Day.  That day his birth parents were at church again.  They asked to hold him but we told them we had to follow CPS rules.  We did get a picture of him beside them.  After that they disappeared again.  That was the last time we saw birth dad.  I don’t know if we will ever see him again.

After a month or so I heard from mom again.  They were in Louisiana but wouldn’t tell us where.  They didn’t come to court.  Mom would contact me periodically.  I would send pictures and tell her how he was doing and what new “tricks” he was learning.  She assured me that they were “working hard.”  At one point she asked me if I was disappointed in her and I told her “yes.  You left your son.”  She always thanked me for loving him and taking care of him.

Several months went by without contact.  Then suddenly, on Halloween, I got a facebook request and message from her.  I seriously debated accepting the request but decided to do so on a limited basis.  I could see what she posted and send messages back and forth, but I could hide most of my posts from her.  They had moved to Colorado.  They were “working hard”.  At this point they both told me that they realized the best thing for baby boy was for us to adopt him  I had several very good conversations with mom on the phone and once with dad.  They both thanked me profusely for loving and caring for their son.  They told me they knew he has a future with us and that they couldn’t provide for him.  I asked them if they intended to relinquish their rights and they said yes.  They were going to get a P.O. Box and get the papers signed.

More time went by with nothing.  They told me they had contacted their court appointed attorneys and informed them of their desire to relinquish their rights and for us to adopt.  They never signed papers.  I didn’t hear from her after mid December.  I was worried about her.  Homeless, cold, and for all I knew, missing.  Or worse.

The Sunday after Christmas, I stayed home from church with a sick kid.  I never miss church.  That morning I got a text from my dad letting me know that birth mom was at church.  I was an emotional wreck.  I wanted baby boy home with me.  I was shocked.  I was relieved that she was ok.  I wanted to be there to talk to her.  I wanted to know what was going on.  I wanted to see her.  I wanted to hug her.  I wanted to ring her neck.  I didn’t know what I wanted.  She was friendly to everyone.  My husband told me she came up to him, kissed baby boy on the head, called him by the name we gave him (not what she named him), and told him to be good for mama and daddy, referring to us.  She told him she loved him.  

A few days later she sent me a Facebook message and we made plans to have lunch.  I picked her up on the side of the road about 15 miles outside of town.  We went to lunch and had a good visit.  She told me her husband was in jail in Colorado and would be there for a while.  She said her intentions for us to adopt still stood.  She knew she couldn’t be a parent.  She was staying with her dad, who up until this point, I had no idea existed.  I had never heard her talk about him.  He send me a FB message and asked me to call him.  He wanted to confirm her story of meeting me for lunch.  I had a good conversation with him.  She didn’t go back “home” to him.  She moved in with a friend and started laying low because she knew she had a warrant out and would be arrested.

Court was Monday, January 11th.  Mom didn’t show.  CPS filed to terminate parental rights.  Mom and Dad’s attorneys said that they had been contacted and informed that the parents did not wish to contest and that they willingly gave up their rights, though they never signed anything.  The judge granted this order and their parental rights were terminated that day.  

Now we have to wait 90 days to adopt our little guy. Then I can share pictures of this beautiful boy that essentially fell in our lap.  He may look like his biological father, but he is practically a twin of our now six year old.  He will also grow up as a twin to our baby girl.  They are two and a half months apart.  Most of the time when people in public ask if they are twins we say “yes.”  The first time someone asked that and my husband said they were, I asked him what he was going to tell them when they asked how old they were.  He said, “I was going to say I don’t know, ask my wife.”

We hope that we can maintain a relationship with birth mom.  I’m not sure what that will look like.  I hope she can get clean and lead a productive life.  I hope that she comes to know the Lord.  I hope that all this mess leads her to fall down at the foot of the Cross.  As much as I think it would be easier for ME if he never knows her, I know that he will benefit from knowing her and knowing his history.  This is nothing at all what we expected when we set out to adopt.  But it’s exactly what God had planned for us.  He is the author of this story.  My constant prayer through all of this last 10 months and beyond has been that glory would be brought to Him through this experience.  That more people would be drawn to foster and adopt.  That this sweet little guy would change lives. That his birth parents would know HIM.  And when I would worry about baby boy’s future I would remind myself that God loves him way more than I do.

To be continued...

The rest of the story is that on May 13th, we finalized his adoption.  We had a huge party to celebrate!  His is ours forever!  It's not exactly what we set out for, but it's what God intended for us.  And it's perfect. 

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

On May 15th, my dad had the privilege of baptizing his 16th grandchild.  And of course my mom made a beautiful outfit for the occasion.

The day we received his Birth certificate in the mail, in late October, was overwhelmingly emotional.  To see our names listed as his BIRTH parents, on that official document stating that we are his REAL parents,  Wow!

I do still maintain contact with his first mom.  She knows that if she is open with me that she will continue to know him.  She also knows that if she ever shows up for a visit and is strung out on something, the visit will be over and we will not continue visits until he wants them again.  Of course at this point he doesn't even know who she is.  But that will never be hidden from him.  I have the only pictures from his first parents' wedding and from his birth.  He will know where he came from.  He also has several letters written by his first father and mother along with pictures from her childhood.  He will always know he was loved.

Though she made many bad decisions, she made two great ones, and I thank her often for that.  She chose to give him life when she didn't have to.  And even though it was a forced decision, she did chose us to be his parents.  I will forever be grateful for that sacrifice and I will never forget the valuable lessons I learned through all of this.

Foster Care Update

I've been wanting to write a post for a while now to fill you in on our experiences with foster care but I didn't know where to start.  There's a lot that simply can't be said for privacy reasons but there's still so much I want to say about this experience thus far.  Our situation is an unusual one for sure.

Two months ago we became what is called "kinship caregivers" for a sweet baby boy.  He came to us from the hospital.  Of course you know that we set out to adopt and never expected to be foster parents.  It's not that we were opposed to it, we simply had too many children in our home already. Being considered "fictive kin" (i.e. the parents asked for us to care for him) is the only way that we can be foster parents at this point.

Since we were only one class away from being a licensed foster home, we went ahead and took the class.  For the last two months we have still been a kinship home which falls under the oversight of CPS.  Once our license goes through in a few weeks though we will be under Buckner.  While we have had no negative experiences working with CPS we are happy to continue our relationship with the kind ladies at Buckner.  Again, we are so happy we chose to go through them on this adventure to adoption and now foster care.  It seems that everyone is a little baffled by our situation.  With Andrew gone so many weeks at a time, five kids already in the home, and expecting another addition in a few short weeks, there's plenty of red tape to deal with, papers to sign, waivers to get, It seems we are the exception to the rule!

God's hand has been evident in this from the very beginning.  Again, there are many details that I simply cannot share, but this is entirely a God thing.  Not only has he given us the privilege of caring for this little guy and giving him the best start we can, but He has surrounded us with a community of believers to support us and encourage us along the way.  There is simply no way I could do this alone.  Any one of the circumstances we are going through right now is more than I could handle on my own.  When people ask me how I'm doing this my answer is always the same: "By the grace of God."  It's the absolute truth.

Despite the difficult situation and the extreme emotions (foster care combined with pregnancy combined with knowing his parents and feeling for them), we have been blessed over the last two months by countless people.  Our church family has helped meet needs for meals, for diapers, for baby items, babysitters, and constant prayers.  Our neighbors have enlisted the help of folks from their church as well.  No need we have had has gone unmet thanks to all these wonderful people.  I wish I could thank them each by name but I would surely forget someone.  I have been brought to tears on more than one occasion by the love, support, and generosity of those around us.  I am so thankful that God brought us to exactly where we are and surrounded us with this community of believers.  They have helped sustain me, given me energy, added to my life, and helped me fulfill a calling.

We were even able to get our big, ugly, practical, beast of a van.  Twelve captains chairs to spread out, keep little people in their own space, and the best part is that they can't even touch each other! Do you have any idea how wild it is to get 6 little people buckled into car seats?  Or just the fact that we HAVE 6, soon to be 7, car seats?  Andrew and I have often joked about needing limo glass between the driver's seat and the rest of the car but now there is no need.  We need walkie-talkies to be able to hear people more than one row behind us.  It's not an urgent need though.  For now, I can just tell them, "I can't hear you, let's talk about it when we get home."  Seriously though, this vehicle has been a tremendous blessing to us.  Now we just need to sell our Expedition.  Any takers?

There are definitely moments when it's hard.  I don't think it's adding a baby to the mix that has been so difficult really.  He is such an easy going little guy and I of course welcome the opportunity to sit with my feet up and feed him or snuggle him.  It's all the regular, every day tasks that have me exhausted.  Without my better half around there are plenty of things that have been let go.  Washing dishes daily, folding and putting away laundry (at least it's clean!), anything more than a bubble bath for the girls (it's fun AND clean!), eating on anything other than paper plates, cooking dinner from scratch every night, going to bed on time, getting up and to school on time, and the list goes on.  We are managing though, by the grace of God!

And now we look forward to baby girl Shipp joining us in the coming weeks.  I admit, that part has me a bit panicked!  Two babies.  How am I going to handle two babies?  And five others?  Yes.  I know it's crazy.  I covet your prayers for patience, strength, endurance, and the ability to keep it together in those first few weeks.  And prayers for Andrew to get a great job much closer to home.  I'm going to need him for this!

We do not know what the future holds for us or for this little guy.  For now we will continue to give him all that he needs and to pray for him and his parents.  Our prayer has been that this little guy would have a bright and glorious future, that he would grow up in a loving Christian home, and that all his needs would be fulfilled.  We don't presume to know God's plan for him, and we ask for grace to accept whatever that plan may be.  I'm sure there will be many tears on all sides throughout the coming months.  Please pray with us for all involved.  Foster care is a tough situation for everyone.  Our priority right now is to love and protect this little guy and to maintain an open relationship with his parents.  Please keep them in your prayers as well.

Foster Care

If you've been following along then you know that we never set out to do Foster Care.  We had too many kids to be able to do that.  It wasn't that we were opposed to it at all, just that we were constrained by already having five in our home.  And then when we found out back in October that we are expecting baby #6 shortly followed by Andrew's transition to working out of town, we decided to put our adoption plans on the back burner.  We have kept up our license and done what we need to do to go back active as soon as we can.

Things have changed though.  It seems God has other plans for us once again.  About six months ago we met a young couple that was expecting and I have developed a good relationship with them.  When their baby was born a little over a week ago, CPS got involved.  I'm not at liberty to share details, but we were asked to care for this sweet baby boy and we willingly accepted.  He has now been with us a week and has already changed my life.

We don't know what's going to happen, or how long this will be, or really many details at all.  But for now we've told our kids to treat him just as we would treat our siblings.  We are loving on him, taking care of his needs, and maybe spoiling him just a little too.  We have been incredibly blessed by the love and support we have received from family, friends, church members, and neighbors.  The love we have been shown just over 8 days time has been tremendous and brings me to tears.

We are all doing well and adjusting as smoothly as can be expected.  It's already been a very emotional experience and I know it will continue to be so.  But right now we are doing what the Lord has called us to do and are grateful for this opportunity to serve.

We will have one more class to take to up-grade our license to a Foster license.  We plan to do that in April.

We appreciate your prayers for us and for baby boy's parents as we navigate this difficult situation.

A lot to catch up on

It has been a while since my last post and there are many reasons for that.  For one, my computer has been down and I really didn't want to type a blog post on my phone.  Now I am using a tablet though, so it is not much better.  Please pardon my typos.

Another reason for the lack of blogging has to do with all the changes my family is experiencing at this time.  You see, back in October we were surprised to find out that we are expecting another little Shipp.  While this wasn't exactly in our plan and timing, it clearly was in the Lord's plan.  We are very excited for this new little bundle of joy and all the changes she will bring.  While this is not necessarily a deterrent to adoption at this point, it certainly was something to ponder.

The biggest kink in our plans though is that Andrew has had to go out of state for work.  He has always had his hand in many pots of the legal realm, but his biggest contract with the Attorney General's office was not renewed after October 31st.  The state/government decided not to keep paying for that position despite the need to get the work done.  So after a month of searching and searching, Andrew took a job as a landman in New Mexico.  While this once again was not our plan, we are grateful for the Lord's provision.  Unfortunately this means that Andrew is away from home for weeks at a time.  There is great potential with this job and our initial hope was that this would lead to a landman position in Texas much closer to home.  With gas prices as low as they are though, many many landmen and oil field workers are currently without a job.  All of this changes things for us.

After much prayer and speaking with our case worker, we have decided that it is best to put things on hold for now.  We will still do everything to maintain our license, but we will not be submitting our home study on any more children for the time being.  Lord willing, we will be able to go back active as soon as Andrew has stable work back home.

In the mean time we are continuing to find ways to minister and serve those in need.  We are constantly praying for the children in foster care, orphans world wide, and those in direct ministry to these children.  Our hope is that many more Christians will answer the call to adoption and foster care and that one day soon He will re-open the door for us.  Clearly He is in perfect control of our family.

If you have any questions for me, please feel free to ask here or send me a message.  Thank you for your support and prayers.  I hope that soon we will be able to give more updates with pending adoption news.

I am happy to report that Andrew has had the privilege to help in the consummation of several adoptions recently and has a few more coming up.  It is such a joy for him to be a part of these special days.

Looking back

It's fun to look back at the family Christmas photos from the last 9 years of our marriage.  With our 10th anniversary in January, we are hopeful that once again this year's family photo will look a little different.  Here's a look back at the last 9 years.

2004, the Christmas before we got married

2005, Christmas as first time parents with a 2 week old

2006, expecting #2

2007, Family of Four

2008, expecting #3

2009, family of five AND expecting #4

2010, family of six

2011, expecting #5!

2012, family of seven

2013, still a family of seven!

7 months later

It's been a year since we started our adoption journey.

It's been 7 months since we've been licensed.

I really thought we would have a placement by now.

I remember last year before Christmas being a little sad that all of our kids weren't going to be "home for the holidays."  I knew even then that our missing kids were out there somewhere.  I wanted to be careful all summer with planning trips and activities.  I was constantly wondering what we would do or how plans would change if we got more kids.  We were licensed March 8th and I had hopeful expectations of having a placement by summer.

Now summer has come and gone.  And what a wonderful summer it was!   I knew in the back of my head though that as much fun as we were having and as enjoyable as it was with our kids at the ages and stages they were at that our family just wasn't complete.  Now, I admit that it would probably have been a little easier without a toddler, but most things are.

Each time our caseworker has a potential match for us we are shown a picture of a sibling group and told minimal details about them such as age, gender, basic reason for removal from their birth parents, and a few personal details.  The first few times this happened we would plan it all out in our heads.  Well, maybe Andrew didn't go that far, but I did.  I would imagine where they would sleep in our home, what we would need to get for a 2 and 4 year old girl or for 3 and 5 year old boys.  I would try to plan out as much as I could.  I would pray for them by name and think longingly of the day they would come home to us.  But that gets hard!  It gets very emotional to be told we weren't the right match for this sibling group or that.  It seems that just before we find out it's a "no" on one set we are shown another.  Then we find out we didn't get matched with the first set and we wait another month to hear on the second set, only to then be shown a third.

I'm not sure exactly how many kids we've been shown a photo of.  Maybe we are at 8 or 9 sets now. Now I try not to plan too much though.  I pray for them constantly.  But I can't plan.  And really I don't need to.  I know that we will have more warning still.  Even if we are told that we were selected in the top three we would still have time to read through the kids' case file and decide if we are personally ready for that particular commitment.  Then we would have more time as we wait to see if we are the #1 family.  That's plenty of time for planning and making the proper arrangements.  Plenty of time for more prayer!

We've recently been blessed to be part of the Foster Family Association for our county.  We enjoyed getting to meet some other local foster and adoptive parents and are looking forward to being involved with them.  I may have raised my hand to volunteer for something...

We continue to be blessed by this journey to adoption.  We love meeting new people that are doing the same thing or going about it a little differently.  I love learning about their experiences and their families.  I even struck up a conversation at Chick-fil-A with an adoptive mom I'd never met before.  A friend in my Bible study small group at another church is currently waiting for a match for domestic infant adoption.  Another family friend is searching for a sibling in an African country.  All of these people bless us.  And so do you.  Thanks for your continued prayers for our family.

Buckner Camp

Reading this blog post from Jason Johnson reminded me that I never followed up on camp. It seems like it's been much longer than two weeks since camp but hopefully I can remember everything I wanted to tell.

The number one thing that I took away from camp is similar to the point of the linked blog post.  

They're all human.

The foster parents, adoptive parents, foster kids, and adopted kids are just people.  They don't stand out in a crowd.  They're just kids and parents.  Kids that do things for attention, that need love and correction.  Parents that love, that get frustrated, that correct, and then love some more.  It was very eye opening for me to look around and just see people. There are no super-powers needed to be a foster/adoptive parent!

On our drive to camp (about 4 hours) I told Andrew that if the camp wasn't nice enough we would have to go stay in a hotel.  I wasn't going to spend 3 days without air conditioning.  I'm a sissy, I know.  I was impressed though and we had a blast.

The camp itself was wonderful.  The facilities were clean and beyond my expectations.  The camp grounds were beautiful and offered much.  The staff was friendly and interacted well with adults and children alike.  Our cabin was a large one with two sides. On our side there were 9 sets of bunk beds and a large bathroom with multiple showers and stalls.  The A/C unit worked really well too!  On the other side of our cabin was another large family.  

Each day started with breakfast at the cafeteria.  The food was good (for camp food).  Then there was a "pump it up rally" in which they tried to get everybody moving and dancing.  For any of you that know the Shipps remotely well you know that this is not our thing.  I actually offered the kids $1 each to dance.  Gabe was the only taker at first but eventually a few others joined in.  This may have been the furthest out of our comfort zone that we got the whole time.  After that we had activities.  We signed up for crafts one day and archery the next.  We also spent a lot of time at the covered sandbox with the little ones.  After lunch there was a short rest time.  Both days we took a little drive so that AnnaMae would actually nap.  After that was swim time.  We had the choice of the nice big pool or the lake with a water slide.  There was also a blob and kayaking but our kids were too young for that.  They were also too young for the ropes course and zip line.
After a little time for cleaning up we had dinner and then a short worship time all together. After that there was more time for pool swimming.  The last night they had "Buckner State Fair."  There were carnival games and prizes and a few "rides".  Ok.  Maybe THIS was the thing that made me most uncomfortable.  8-10 men on motor cycles taking the kids for a short SLOW ride around the circle and a big all-terrain type truck for kids to ride in the back.  These were both terrifying to me!

We met some wonderful people.  Everyone there was of course a foster or adoptive family.  We were definitely the odd ones out since we don't have a placement yet.  We were so glad we went though.  Aside from the sheer fun of it all, we were able to talk to and connect with parents that have done what we're trying to do.  Of course I met more people and talked more than Andrew did...

There was a lady that has been a foster mom for 40 years!  I can't even begin to imagine the number of lives she has touched!
There were families that went straight to adoption.  One that just finalized with their 5 year old a few weeks before.  You could see how much they were delighting in being parents for the first time.
There were families that have fostered-to-adopt and added to their biological families to make one BIG happy family.
There were many older couples that were doing foster care only.  One couple was there with their 25 year old son with Cerebral Palsy and their 2 or 3 young foster daughters.  And a few other older couples that had adult children but were fostering babies and young children.
There were group homes represented and one little boy that kept flirting with AnnaMae, playing with Gabe, and generally giving his foster mom a handful.  I could all too easily imagine him in our family.
There were other large families with older high-school and college aged kids that were fostering and adopting younger children.  We loved seeing these older kids tote around their younger siblings lovingly.

There were many more too.  I think there were somewhere around 200 people there.  It was a wonderful experience.  The kids can't wait to go back next year and neither can I.  But hopefully by camp next year we will have added to our family.


We continue to wait patiently for what the Lord has in store for our family.  I constantly remind myself that us not being chosen by a caseworker isn't just because the caseworker flipped past our already large family.  It wasn't that they just didn't like us on paper.  It's because God knows the right children and the perfect timing for us.  His plans are perfect.

We are blessed by all those we met and by this whole process.  Our eyes have already been opened to new things and we wait with excitement and anxiousness to see what else we will learn along the way.

What's Happening

We've had a very busy summer with travel, moving, a snake bite, and much more.  And things aren't slowing down yet.  Tomorrow we are headed to Camp Buckner with many other foster and adoptive families.  We are really looking forward to this time of connecting with other families and the time together with our own family.  I am particularly interested to see how our kids interact with the other children there.

We also just submitted our home study on another sibling set.  Please pray that the Lord would guide their caseworker to just the right family for them.

When we get back from camp we've got some work to do to get our new house ready to be inspected but it shouldn't be too bad.  It's a whole lot easier going into it when we know exactly what to expect.  We also owe our caseworker a book report to show that we are continuing our foster/adoptive education while we wait for a placement.

So, in a nutshell, that's what's going on with us.  I'll update more after camp.  Also, please check in with our facebook page to pray along with us for the foster kids in Texas.  www.facebook.com/shippadoption

Praying for Foster Kids

If you've been following our facebook page you'll know that we've been sharing a link each day to a foster child in this area.  The goal is to raise awareness of these kids and to pray for them by name.   So far we have shared 14 kids.  There is one photo left on the Heart Gallery of Deep East Texas page.  This is just barely scratching the surface!  Next we will move to a different area of the Heart Gallery.  There are also more children listed on the DFPS website.  On that website you can see sibling groups of 4, 5, or even more.  Here's a listing for a sibling set of five that need a forever family.

Please continue to follow along and pray with us that the love of Christ would be poured out on them.

Let's Pray

I've been overwhelmed by how little I can actually do for these kids.  I can't take them all in.  I can't fix their problems, the "system", or help their biological parents get back on their feet.  What I can do though is pray for them.  And when it comes down to it that's the most important thing anyone can do.
Starting today, I'll be praying through the Texas Heart Gallery listings, beginning with Deep East Texas.  Each day I'll go down the list to the next child and pray for that child by name.  I'll be listing them on my FaceBook page.  Please join me in praying for these kids.

I know adoption isn't for everyone and I don't presume to imply that every Christian should adopt.  But we are all called to care for them.  And we can care for them by praying.  It's a great start.

James 1:27

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

If you're joining me in prayer, let's start here, with Lee. 

The system is flawed

I can't help but think we (Christians) are not doing enough.

Look through the Texas Heart Gallery and see their faces.  Glimpse into their lives.  You won't know their stories, but you can see their heartbreak in their eyes.

We recently told our caseworker that we were interested in a little boy we found on the Heart Gallery website.  He was a little older than we initially had been interested in, but something about this little boy drew us in.  There was a photo and a video clip about him.  Our oldest especially loved that this little boy's favorite foods are the same as his - pizza and pancakes.
When we heard back from his caseworker and ours we found out that this little boy is considered very aggressive and has been in a residential treatment center for two years.  My heart sunk.  I am sad and angry.  I don't have those feelings for myself, but for him and so many others like him.  Of course I can't bring a "very aggressive" child into my home.  I'm not equipped to help him or handle him and put the rest of my kids at risk in that way.  But there's got to be more for him.

The way things are now, this boy is unlikely to ever get adopted.  No doubt his is on high doses of medications to "moderate" his behavior.  Whatever trauma was in his early life likely caused him to start acting out in a foster home.  He wasn't stable or secure and things just got worse from there.  They started medicating him and things continued to escalate.  (This is all speculation of course.)  Now he is in a place that he is unlikely to come back from.  He's dependent on drugs, legal though they may be.  And what happens when he ages out of the system?  He's let go with no familial attachments, no experience for what a real relationship with a family (or Christ) can be like, no job skills, no income, no support.  He can't pay for his drugs that he's become dependent on after years of subduing his symptoms instead of healing him from the inside out.  What happens to this young man?

There's got to be a better way.  Christians have got to step in and help.  Do more.  Do SOMETHING.  If this boy had been given a chance by an older Christian couple with parenting experience but no other children at home, he could have been directed on the right path.  He could have been LOVED instead of drugged.  He could have been parented instead of "treated."  My heart breaks for him.  I wish I could do more for him.

I know I don't have any personal experience with mood altering medications.  I know I don't have first hand experience with these traumatized kids.  But I do think that kids in general are being medicated FAR too much instead of parented and loved.  (And not just kids in foster care.)

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.  Experiences?  If we can't fix this, how can we at least improve it?  How can we, as Christians, help kids like this little boy now and in their future?

Life as we know it

It's been a while since I've posted.  I haven't really had much to say.  (Shocking, I know.)  You probably know by now that we were not selected for the most recent sibling group that we had submitted our home study for.  I didn't take it as hard as I expected to but it was still difficult.  If waiting for children is this hard I can only imagine how difficult it is for the children waiting for a family.

When we first submitted our home study and then shortly thereafter submitted again I had a hard time with the planning part.  I want to plan and be as prepared as we possibly can be but there's really only a tiny bit I can plan.  I also wanted to put everything else on hold.  I had a hard time planning for family trips or events not knowing if we would have more children or not.  I think I've finally let go of that.

Life is continuing for us.  Life is good.  The big boys are out of school for summer and we've made it a full week into summer vacation.  We have lots of activities and trips planned and it's really nice that the kids are at a point that we can go, go, go and they don't fall apart quite so much.  Last weekend we attended six parties in four days and nobody completely melted down!  Now, if you're reading this and you know me even a little bit, you know how much I enjoy social events.  Even with a hefty 21 month old on my back sneaking in a 20 minute nap here and there, it was w wonderful weekend.  The other four kids did their own things, checking in with me here and there and enjoying their friends and activities.  Did I mention how delightful it all was?

When we're doing all these fun things I often think about what it's going to be like when we add to our family.  Will we get a six year old boy to even things out with the boys?  He can bunk with the boys and play legos and ride bikes and go on camping trips.  Or will we get 3 and 4 year old girls that will keep us all on our toes and play dress up with the girls and squeal and giggle?  Or will we rock the boat and add a boy at the bottom and a girl at the top?  See what I mean?  The possibilities are kind of crazy.  It's so much easier giving birth!

I wish I could take a peek at God's chapter on the Shipp family.  I want to know what He has in store for us!  Should we go ahead and get licensed for foster care and welcome and embrace one child (since there's a limit of six children in the home for foster care)?  We would likely have a placement much sooner, but it wouldn't likely be a forever thing.  We could specify a very young child and give that child as much love and stability as we possibly can and wait to see what happens.  Should we look at other adoption resource sights and look at children all over the country?  Should we just sit back and wait for the right child/children to fall into our lap?  I know that whatever we do God will use it for our good and His glory.  But I just want to do the right thing.

As you can see, I'm full of questions today.  But I'm content with where we are right this minute.  (And that's not just because the little one is napping.)  It's still so weird having a 21 month old baby of the family.  Any other time I've had a 21 month old I've either had a newborn or been very near to delivery.  I don't know if this toddler is busier than all the rest were or if I'm just more aware of it.  She's definitely busy though!

Would you continue to pray for us as we seek to discern God's direction and will for our family?  And as we try for patience and peace with His perfect plan?  And pray for our future child/children to know the love of the Father, and to be well connected and safe with their current foster family.

New Dear Caseworker letter

I needed to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING during this waiting period so I wrote a new "Dear Caseworker" letter.  I'm hoping to grab their attention a little more.  This will be laid out with our family photo like the last one.  Please, tell me what you think.

Dear Caseworker,

Yes, you counted correctly.  There are 7 people in our family.  Before you put this letter away though, I want you to know how much love our family has and how much more we have to offer.  If you can’t imagine having this many (or more!) children, please consider our family experience as on-the-job training. We have a lot of it!  We deeply desire to add to our family and to help provide children in need with a loving, safe, and secure forever family. 

I’m Rachel, the mom of this crew. I’m 32 years old and have a BA in photography.  I currently use that degree taking pictures of my children in their day-to-day lives as I stay home with them and am constantly entertained.  I am so thankful that I get the opportunity to stay home and care for my children and my home and manage our household.  I’m living my childhood dream of being a wife and mother.

My husband Andrew is 30, and has a law degree from Baylor University. In his practice as an attorney in Nacogdoches he does work for the Attorney General’s Child Support Office, takes court appointed criminal cases, does business planning, estate planning and probate.  While he keeps busy with work, he always has time for the family.  Eating dinner together each night is a priority for us both.

We have been married for nine years and have known since we were dating that we wanted to adopt.  We weren’t sure what that would look like for us, but we knew we wanted a big family. We have several friends that have adopted through the foster care system that have lead us and turned our hearts towards these children. We have spent many years in thoughtful consideration and prayer over this decision. In October of 2013 we began our journey to adoption, were licensed in March of 2014, and now we eagerly wait to add to our family.  Our children are anxious, too.  Each day they pray for and ask about their future siblings.  They are excited to welcome new brothers and sisters and share their lives with them.  They already know what it’s like to share and love and will sincerely welcome more children into our home.

Gabe is our 9 year-old athlete, musician, and best big brother.  Jonah is our affectionate, tenderhearted, helpful 7 year-old.  Liam, the constant entertainer, is 5.  Our first little princess, Maggie, is 3 and full of spunk.  And little AnnaMae, the dare-devil, is almost 2.  I know it sounds like we already have our hands full, but I like to tell people, we really only have one hand full!  Sure, more children would be more mouths to feed, more to educate and clothe.  But more importantly, it’s more to love, more to share life with, more to grow old with. 

We hope that you will consider placing children with our family.  We would love to share our hearts, our home, our faith, and our lives.

Sincerely,

Andrew and Rachel Shipp

30 Days of Prayer

May is National Foster Care Month and Buckner has been sending out a daily prayer guide along with a short devotional each day.  Today's message was powerful for me.

Should the Right Thing Be the Easy Thing? Scripture: Isaiah 51:7    Recently I've been learning that just because something is hard, it does not mean it is wrong and just because something is easy, it does not mean it is right. Like many Christians, I determined the will of God through circumstances alone. God has been consistently showing me in His Word, however, that there are more scenarios where the easy thing was not the right thing, but the right thing was the hardest thing ever.    God's Word is full of examples of people doing the right thing no matter the cost and no matter how it appeared to those around them. My favorite is that of Joseph and Mary. Joseph could have walked away. But instead, he and Mary chose to do the hardest thing for them in their culture. They chose to stay in their hometown, in their small community of family, friends and neighbors, and to raise a child that appeared to be born out of wedlock. Certainly not everyone in the community was accepting and supportive of their choice. I wonder how many times Mary and Joseph had to listen to comments or endure looks? It would have been so much easier to move to a place where no one knew them or their past. I would have been tempted to follow this path.    During our first adoption journey, I was initially surprised, shocked and disappointed that not everyone shared our enthusiasm for adoption. It was difficult to understand why others were not excited and supportive of our decision, especially those within our own family. Even church acquaintances and people who we thought were friends surprised us with their reaction. Many of them looked at us like we were crazy; some even said so out loud. This was so hurtful and shocking.    If you ever experience something similar, please take heart. There may be people who will not congratulate you for making what seems to them like a very unwise or illogical decision. Always keep in mind the words from Isaiah 51:7, "Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have taken my instruction to heart: Do not fear the reproach of mere mortals or be terrified by their insults."    When you care for the fatherless ---- whether it is for a day, a week, or for a lifetime ---- it is simply the RIGHT THING to do no matter how hard it is. May He give you the strength to do the right thing, the hard thing and the best thing ever.    Cheri Walroad and her husband, Paul are parents to six children. Their youngest three children were adopted in 2003, 2006 and 2008. Cheri works to help other adoptive families find the financing options they need to realize their dream of adoption through her website Resources4adoption.com

Prayer Guide:  Pray that the Lord would give strength and courage to those called to adopt. May they endure the journey, though it may not be easy, and friends and family won't always understand.    Pray that children in foster care would know the love and protection of the Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5).

Post adoptive conversations

I've been following several other adoptive family blogs and a common discussion among adoptive parents is fielding the post adoptive questions.  Where did you get them? What happened to their real mom? How much did it cost? Etc.

These posts have got me thinking.  The general consensus I've read and heard from other adoptive parents is that they are happy to answer your questions, just not in front of the children.  I think this will be particularly hard for me because I'm typically a pretty open book.  I like to talk. (I'm sure you're shocked by this revelation!)  My tendency is to share too much.  So when it comes time to deal with my adopted children's stories, I'm going to have to really restrain myself.  I don't want to make them uncomfortable or feel any different than they already will.  It will definitely be a challenge for me.

I'd love to hear your input on this topic.  What do you adoptive parents think is ok or not ok?  What about those that haven't adopted?  Do you have opinions or thoughts on this subject?

I hope that one day soon we will be figuring this all out first hand, but for now we're reading, talking, and praying.

Please continue to pray with us and for us.  Our children are out there somewhere without us.  We are ready to bring them home and begin life as a whole family.  The waiting game is hard on us and I can only imagine how difficult it is for them.


_________________________________________________________


Liam's birthday is tomorrow.  I was talking with him today and teasing him about not letting him turn 5 because I like 4 year olds so much.  He replied, "well then I guess we need to adopt a 4 year old!"

On Faith and Why some still disagree with our decision

I know there are some out there that still don't get why we are taking this on.  Answering a calling isn't enough.  Why would we do this when we already have a hand full of children.  Why now and not later?  Or those that support the idea of adoption and think it's a noble or ambitious thing to do, but that we in particular shouldn't be doing it because of the aforementioned children we already have.  Someone that barely knows us said, "you must have a lot of faith to be doing this."  I didn't know exactly how they meant that, but my answer is "yes."

 Adopting does take faith.  Lots of faith.  It takes faith for God to adopt us as His children.  It takes faith in knowing what's important to God and how we should make those things important to us.  We are told:

correct oppression and bring justice to the fatherless.                Is. 1:16-17  

give justice to the weak and fatherless.   Ps. 82:1 

He sets the lonely in families.      Ps. 68:6 

He is father to the fatherless.       Ps. 68:5

 This is the faith that we are living through adoption.  Our adoption, passed down to the next generation.  We don't need to wait to be faithful.

In 2012 there were 101,719 orphans in foster care in the US waiting to be adopted.  In 2012, 23,439 children aged out of foster care, entering their adult life with no parents, no help.  There were 52.039 adoptions in 2012.  There are an estimated 17.8 MILLION orphans world wide.   I can't help them all, but I can help one...or two...or three.

I think every Christian I've talked to about adoption says that they would instantly take a child (infant) that was laid in their lap.  If it meant stopping one abortion, they would absolutely take that child and save their life.  And I admit, I thought the same too.  I thought that some day God would place a child in my path in this way.  But then I thought again.  There are thousands of children, right here in the state of Texas, whose birth parents did choose life but due to so many other reasons, can't or don't love and care for those children now. (I encourage you to read this post.  Really.  Go read it.)  God doesn't call us to only care for infant orphans.

It will be hard.  These kids are coming from seriously messed up places.  They'll have baggage.  They'll still be hurting.  And their lives will never be "normal" because of their history.  But we can bring them into our fold.  Love them.  Raise them in a Christian home.  Give them a future to help overcome their past.

My comfort this week has been this verse.

God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way to escape also, that you may be able to endure it.  I Cor. 10:13b

Another concern that has been voiced is the money aspect of taking in more kids.  "How will you pay for it?" "How will you pay for college?" etc.  The answer to these questions and others like them is, "With sacrifice, with joy and thanksgiving."   Even the most financially secure person has hardships, surprises, and challenges.  But we are at peace with where we are financially and what our future looks like from our vantage point.  We will cut back on this to pay for that.  We won't go on big vacations so that we can afford private education.  We don't have to pay for college and likely won't.  We'll do the same things most big families do: hand me downs, share everything, not eat fancy foods all the time, not eat out often, drive used vehicles, and so on.  We are willing to make the sacrifices it takes to raise and love more kids.  Earthly possessions and experiences aren't what matter.  Eternal life and salvation are.

And if you still doubt our ability to do this, think about this.  You may not know our financial situation, but our adoption agency does.  They know our numbers, nothing held back, and they still say we can reasonably take in up to three more children.  They have experience in this and they've said we're fine.

Another concern comes from people who don't have large families.  This is a question we get all the time anyway with five kids and we got it every time we announced a pregnancy.  "How can you manage so many people and stay sane?"  I'll say this, not everyone can.  I've always thought that having a large family is a calling.  Not every couple manages children the same.  Some are completely overwhelmed by two, or five, or fifteen.  I think personality has a huge role in this.  But also, big families just operate differently than small or average size families.  That's not a bad thing.  My kids certainly know that they are loved.  They have my attention when they need it.  They are each a very important part of our family and add something special to our whole.  And each adopted child will have all the joys and privileges of being part of this family.

If only the wealthy adopted we'd have an even bigger orphan problem.  If only those without children adopted, we'd have a bigger problem.  Sure, wealthy people with no children can give an adopted child everything.  They can buy them anything they want, take them on trips, never require anything of them.  But if you could ask an orphaned child what they long for, what do you think they would say?



We have been blessed by so many supportive friends and family members.  I know that when we bring more children into our home, they will be loved and embraced by our community.  These kids will have more than two parents and siblings that love them and are part of their lives.  Their little worlds will be changed.
Those few unsupportive people make it difficult though.  They make an already difficult situation harder.  But we still have great joy in the Lord as we seek to live out His gospel through adoption.  I wish that everyone could see our hearts and know what drives us.  But ultimately that doesn't matter.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  James 1:2-3

We don't adopt because we want more kids.
We do want more kids, but that's not the driving force.

We don't adopt because we think it's a nice thing to do.
It is nice, but that's not why.

We don't adopt because we will be the best parents in the world.
We adopt because HE is the best parent and HE adopted us.

We adopt because of the gospel.