Our crew

Our crew

Friday, September 13, 2013

The Elephant in the Room

I have to admit, my 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. Lemley,  was right.  Journaling CAN be fun.  Writing about this has already proven to be helpful for me.  Thanks for following along and being part of this. Please feel free to comment.

This is kind of a follow up on the previous post about when to tell and how.

Now that we've told a few people, including close family members, that we plan to adopt it seems weird when we spend time together and it doesn't come up.  I'm guessing it's not as weird to them but for me it's almost like I'm 8 months pregnant and no one is asking if I'm having twins or if I'm sleeping ok.  I know it's not the same thing at all, but it definitely feels like it.  Maybe they just don't know what to say?

Here's the deal though.  I DO want to talk about it.  It's on my mind constantly.  I want to talk about the things that I'm excited about, the things that I'm concerned about, and the things I just don't know about yet. We are likely at minimum of nine months away from anything happening.  We've got a lot of "t"s to cross before we get there.  It's like a REALLY long pregnancy and I don't know what I'm having, or how many I'm having, or even when my due date is.  So nothing like pregnancy.  But I still want to talk about it.  If I've already shared this blog with you then chances are you know me well.  And that means you know I like to talk.  I don't want to make you or anyone else uncomfortable though by sharing too much too soon.

With all this wondering about when to tell others though we have spent some time talking with the kids about it.  So far their reactions have been about what I expected.  G has lots of questions.  When he and I first talked about it I asked him if he knew what adoption was.  He didn't.  I tried to explain to him that sometimes there are parents that can't take care of their kids and that other parents then decide that they can love and care for those kids.  Then I asked him what he thought about our family doing that.  He hesitated for a minute and had a concerned look on his face.  Then it hit me.  He thought we were going to be the ones giving up kids!  I wonder who he thought we were going to get rid of?  I quickly assured him that wasn't the case but rather that we were thinking (at that point) about adopting ourselves.  He seemed much happier with that idea.  We have since had many more conversations about it.  One of his concerns was that we would kick him out of first place.  Again, I assured him that we have no intention of adopting anyone older than him.  He will always be our oldest.  Relief.  He really wants another baby but I'm pretty sure that's because he doesn't want to lose having his own room.  I've broken it to him though that when the time comes Jonah will be moving in with him.  He's enjoying it while he can.

Just this morning I got to have a chat with L and M about it.  We've already had the "what is adoption" chat so they knew what I was talking about.  I asked them what they thought about it.  They both grinned and said that they thought it was a good idea.  I told them that when we adopt our new kids probably wont look like us.  L asked if they would have brown skin and I told him maybe they would.  He thought that was pretty cool.  I also asked them how they would feel about adopting someone that isn't a baby, maybe close to their age.  L told me we need a 5 year old boy and a 2 year old girl because we don't have anybody that age.  He said then we would have all the numbers.  Of course, L will probably be 5 by the time we get a placement, but I thought that was really sweet of him.  He sees an empty space and he's happy to fill it.

J is the one I'm most worried about.  He's not real fond of change.  He likes his routine and his space.  We haven't had a one on one conversation yet but I'm sure he will have a lot of questions.  I also know though that when he accepts it, he's going to love like no one else.  When he loves, he loves with his whole self.  And it's intense!  So while it may take him a little longer to get used to the idea or to a new sibling, when he gets it he will be their best friend and protector.

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