I remember several years ago when close friends of ours were going through this process and they asked us to pray for them. They asked us to pray for them and for their future children, but we didn't really know how. And now I find myself in the same position. We want you to pray for us, and we want to pray for ourselves, but we don't know how.
We've always prayed for our children, even before they were conceived. We pray that God will bless us with children in His timing and that He will prepare us to meet their needs. We pray that our children will be healthy and faithful. In this situation we can still pray for those things. But there's more to pray for too. We are praying for children that are already born and are in a bad situation. Children in CPS have been hurt. The word we've heard most often in books and from friends who have adopted is "trauma." Kids in the foster care system have had emotional and/or physical TRAUMA. They're hurt. They're hurting now, and they're going to hurt for a long time because of it. We want to pray for them and we want them to be safe and loved. But if they're in THAT home, the home they are ultimately going to be removed from and their parents' rights are going to be terminated, then they're not safe and loved right now. How do you pray for them? I don't know. But we do pray for them.
I think that's why this waiting period is so hard. Our child/ren are hurting right now. God will bring them into our lives at the right point in time. And I know that His timing is perfect. But that means that while we are waiting for the child God has ordained to be a part of our family, that child is experiencing trauma RIGHT NOW. And I'm doing nothing about it. Or at least it seems that way. I am praying though. And hopefully our friends and family are praying too.
I ask you to pray for us. Pray that we would be prepared to deal with the trauma our child bring with them. Pray that we would be strong in our faith and that all areas of our lives would be building in preparation for our adoption. Pray for the children we already have, that they would be equipped to process and adjust to a new sibling that doesn't come to us in the traditional way. And pray for the children currently in the foster care system and children that are being neglected in their own homes. Pray that God would bring the right child to our home in His timing and that we, as a family and as a church, would be able to meet the needs of that child.
I've said before that writing this has been very cathartic. Now that I've shared this with a few people though I'm much more aware of what I'm writing. It's as though you're all reading my diary. You all know what's going through my head in regards to adoption, but since it's out there in internet-land, it's not quite real. You're getting to know the "internet-me". If you're reading along though, I'm glad you are here. I hope that you'll take the time to ask me questions and talk about it. It really is on my mind all the time.
I'd also like to recommend a book to you. Several friends recommended it to me, and even recently someone I greatly respect sent me a copy of Adopted For Life (along with others that I'll mention later after I've read them.) She didn't know I had already read this book and have even passed copies along to a few people. When Andrew and I read that book we both had the "ah-ha" moment. It puts into words a lot of our views and thoughts about adoption and was very helpful to us in making the decision to go forward with it now. If you're here in town and would like to borrow it I'd be happy to share.
I've asked Andrew to consider writing a guest post on our Theology of adoption. Hopefully he will do this soon.